So yeah, being held captive by a hideous undead bug monster wizard guy: completely not awesome. Remember Calvin Appleby? Turns out he’s not dead. Even worse, he’s pretty pissed at my little band of adventurers who may or may not have had a tiny role in him not destroying the world and plummeting out a window to what should have been his squishy demise. So, long story short, I’m a hostage and my comeback tour is ruined. Great. I’m not sure if all the evil undead hate reggae music or if it’s just Appleby, but every time I start trying to sing Don’t Worry, Be Happy, he threatens to cut my face off. Also, as a side note, do the undead not understand the importance of interior decorating? A few throw pillows, a nice rug, and a heavy de-emphasis on skulls and arcane symbols and big honking evil would do wonders for this subterranean nightmare. I can totally see this place in a nice lilac for the walls. Pastels are very calming and seriously fab! Other than the terrible living conditions and the constant fear for my life, it’s not so bad. I hope the gang rescues me soon. If they don’t, I swear to Gloria Estefan, I’m gonna haunt those bastards forever. If I die, I think I’ll start leaving pictures from the Ravenwing Swimsuit Calendar in Kriv’s backpack. I know some sweaty, oiled-up troll porn would probably make him pee himself! Anyway, back to the grind. Literally. Appleby’s wheeling in a huge sanding stone and some manacles. Probably not for my pedicure, either. RESCUE ME! Toodles!